When Margs was born I felt like it was the first time I could really breathe in a long long time. I spent my whole pregnancy holding my breath and crossing my fingers for just one more day, one more week and one more month. By some miracle my cerclage kept me pregnant and we welcomed a 40 week (!!!!!!!) miracle into the world on her due date. I spent so much time focused on getting her here that I never considered what being a stay at home parent would be like- I didn’t care really, my only focus was getting that precious baby here alive. 15 months later I’m reflecting on being a stay at home mom and I’m realizing that I don’t necessarily love it all of the time. I wish I did, but, I just don’t. Actually, there are days that I’m angry and resentful and frustrated and tired of it. I feel horrible even writing these things because I’m a rainbow mom. A rainbow mom shouldn’t ever complain about anything parenting related because well, she’s a rainbow mom. I’ve struggled, I’ve faced repeat loss, I’ve had my heart broken in ways that only other loss mums…

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Aaaand another week starts. Happy Monday folks! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! When I started this blog just over 2 months ago I wasn’t really sure if it would be something I’d stick to long-term. I know that I felt like I needed a place to write and that I wanted to connect with other like-minded individuals but above and beyond that I had no idea where my blogging journey would take me and whether it would even be something I’d enjoy doing. There was fear because I’m really an open book (too much so sometimes) and I worried about oversharing. There was apprehension because I’m really just a run of the mill stay at home mom with nothing extraordinary or exciting to share since most days are fairly predictable and mundane. Yet, every time I open my dashboard to write a new post I feel myself drawn to writing about our debt-repayment journey, our struggles to bring Margs into the world, saving money and how living a simple and minimalist life continues to bring me happiness and reduce my anxiety. If you’re subscribed to my blog – thank you. If you take the time to comment,…

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I turned 35 yesterday. It was a day just like any other spent loving on Margs and enjoying time with my husband. We had a few friends and their children over for dinner and ate good food and shared many laughs – what better way to spend the day. When I was in therapy after losing  the girls my therapist helped me work through my constant need to go over the should haves and could haves. It was a process and although I’m much better about it, it does creep up on me. Especially on birthdays where my mind wanders to where I am and where I could have been instead. She’d ask me to live in the moment – she’d ask me to make lists – she’d ask me to jot down reasons I was grateful to help me remember or acknowledge how great the present really is. So, I figured what better way to celebrate my 35th birthday. 10 things I’m grateful for on my 35th birthday 1. My precious baby girl. Margs has changed my life in ways I can hardly describe. She’s taught me to love in ways I never thought possible. I would love to…

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Me at 22 weeks. Day 54 of bedrest. When Mer and I embarked on our journey to start a family way back in 2012 we never imagined where that road would take us. We naively thought that every pregnancy led to a take home baby and that pregnancy complications were rare – so rare in fact, that we’d never be affected. Sadly, we we became a statistic and were faced with cervical incompetence, repeat pregnancy loss, a uterine septum and then some strange form of secondary infertility that was never explained. When we finally got pregnant again in 2015 the plan was simple: cervical cerclage at 14 weeks and strict home bed rest for 23 weeks with the threat of hospitalization if I didn’t follow the rules. My doctor was intense; she was on a mission to get my rainbow here full-term and so her plan was more conservative than most. I took 22 pills per day, held my breath and gestated horizontally for 161 days. I took one seated shower per week for a maximum of 10 minutes. I walked only to use the washroom and ate laying down. One day when I was bored I timed myself –…

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Today is Margs’ first birthday. She’s 365 days old. I’m still not entirely sure how this past year has passed so quickly but I do know that she has changed our lives in so many beautiful ways. She restored love in our life and relationship. She is the reason we smile everyday and count each and every one of our blessings. She is the reason we’ve been able to find happiness again. Margs is our miracle baby. She was born after I’d experienced a still birth and 2 miscarriages totalling 5 angel babies that we never got the opportunity to take home. Two of my lost pregnancies were twins. She came after 4 years of battling infertility, dealing with a hemorrhage that nearly cost me my life, and multiple surgeries to correct my uterus that was misshapen and not conducive to growing a baby. I was told I had a 10% chance of ever bringing home a living baby. Margs arrived here safely last December as the result of an amazing team of doctors, a cervical cerclage and 161 days of strict home bedrest. She is here and she is so worth all of the above. Today will be a…

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