Recently, Margs came down with her first full fledged virus. You know, leaky nose, cough, fever, staying up all night because she couldn’t sleep bug – this is motherhood I thought to myself as I rocked her back to sleep for the 6th time that night. Turns out, baby girl was dealing with hand, foot and mouth disease and was incredibly uncomfortable because of sores in her mouth and under her feet. I looked at this tiny little girl and I remembered all those sleepless nights of her infancy and a twinge of guilt came over me.

this is motherhood

How many times did I wish time away? Countless times.

How many times did I will time away and hope she’d age and grow out of her neediness? More times than I can count.

This is motherhood isn’t it? When things are tough we tend to wish time away – hoping for times where baby needs us less so we can get our coveted sleep. Then, brief moments like rocking your sick child snap you back to reality and you realize that a time will come when they wont need us anymore. What then? I’ll miss those moments I’m sure.

Motherhood is such a complex journey isn’t it? In some ways I feel like I’ve been on autopilot cruising first through her infancy and now into toddler-hood. I stand here now and look back on her early days and question if I truly savored every single moment. Is it even possible to do so when you are so deprived of sleep?

We savor what we can while we simply try to survive, am I right?

Motherhood is mostly about unconditional love, partly about survival and often about doing our best when faced with uncertain and utterly exhausting new situations.

The days are so incredibly long aren’t they? A sick child makes every 24 hour period feel like an eternity while the years seem like they fly by in an instant. It seems that suddenly, I have a nearly 17 month old toddler who climbs, jumps, sings and calls out to me when she wants my undivided attention.

In some respects I’m not sure how we’ve managed to get here. How did we make it through months and months of little to no sleep? How did we manage? I suppose the easiest way to answer this question is to admit that we accepted that this tiny girl will only be little once. We’ll eventually get to a point in our lives where we’ll crave her neediness and have to accept that she’s a grown child who doesn’t need to be rocked for comfort anymore.

Until then, the days and nights will surely be long but I’m trying to savor these moments because I know that this tiny miracle will not be little forever.

How do you savor the moments? Have you caught yourself wishing time away?

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Good morning friends and happy friday!

Hope you are all gearing up for something fun this weekend! We’re likely staying home and enjoying our backyard since the weather has finally warmed up in these parts.

Here are my highs and lows for the week! I’d love to hear yours as well. Feel free to leave me a comment below telling me what you’ve been up to this week.

Highs

Our fig trees have arrived! I’m so excited that our trees are finally home. We had them housed temporarily at my in-laws farm so that we could settle into our house. They are pretty sensitive plants and moving them twice within one year would have likely killed them. They are here and are doing wonderfully.

Milk cake. I made this cake this week and it turned out delicious. It’s a super easy recipe – one of those that you will likely always have the ingredients for. So moist and delicious – especially with a nice warm cup of tea.

TTBH went self-hosted. Last weekend Mer helped me transfer TTBH to bluehost so I could have a self-hosted wordpress account. It was a little stressful and I didn’t necessarily understand what he was doing but it’s done and so far I’m really enjoying having more flexibility. The number one reason I decided to go this route was to have more control over my site. Although wonderful, wordpress.com doesn’t allow the installation of things like google analytics so it was time to move on. I’m really excited to see where this journey continues to take me!

Lows

Sick Margs. The cold has been making it’s way through our house. Last Sunday Margsy appeared to be under the weather after her weekly swimming lesson. Later that day we noticed that she’d developed spots under her feet. By Tuesday I was pretty worried so I took her to the doctor and she was confirmed to have Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. She’s on the mend but still not 100% back to herself.

Skunks! There are a ton of skunks roaming around outside. I was woken up by the smell of a skunk who had sprayed right outside our house. The smell somehow managed to get in and it’s less than pleasant. Hopefully, these little guys decide to find their way back to the forest where they came from.

Anxiety. Same story different week. I’ve got an appointment to see my doctor about the situation early next week. I saw her briefly when I brought Margs in and she encouraged me to make an appointment to discuss a medication change. Hoping to find some relief soon.

What are your highs & lows for this fine week of April 10th?

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Margsy turned 16 months old over the weekend! I just can’t wrap my head around this. She’s nearly 1.5 years old. Time just flies doesn’t it? I wrote a similar post honoring Margs’ 15 month birthday last month and had a lot of fun sharing a typical day with you fine folks so I figured I’d do it again.

Like I mentioned last month, our days are pretty predictable around these parts. Sticking to a solid routine seems to work best for us so our days aren’t extraordinarily exciting. But, since last months installment was on a weekday I decided to base this one on a weekend. Sunday to be specific!

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5:30 am – my alarm goes off and I get out of bed and head downstairs to put on a coffee. I listen to an anxiety podcast while I wait. I drink my morning coffee, listen to podcasts, check emails and answer blog comments. <—- my morning routine!

6:30 am – I jump in the shower and get ready for the day. I don’t feel like blow drying my hair so I put in some conditioner and let it air dry. (My hair is on the wavy side so I can pull this off)

7:00 am– I tidy the kitchen (unload dishwasher, wipe down counter tops and sweep and wet swiffer the floor)

7:27 am – Margs is up for the day. I head upstairs when I hear her yelling “Maaaaaaaaaaa, Maaaaaaaaaa”. I bring her back down with me, give her a quick diaper change and put on her current favorite movie. (This buys me enough time to get her breakfast ready)

7:40 am – Margs is eating breakfast. (Oatmeal with banana whipped in). Mer comes down and we discuss the day at the table over coffee. I’m on my 3rd cup.

8:05 am – I get Margs ready for swim lessons. I put on her water diaper and bathing suit. She drinks her milk while I pack her diaper bag.

8:30 am – We leave for swim lessons.

8:40 am – We arrive at the pool. I get her undressed, lock up her bag and head to the pool deck where Mer is waiting for her.

9:00 am – Swim lesson begins!

9:40 am– Back out of the pool. Dried off, dressed and ready to go.

10:00 am – We pull into the driveway and Margs is fast asleep. Mer carries her up to bed and decides to take a nap with her.

10:30 am – After putting in a load of laundry, I decide to write a few blog posts for the upcoming week. I’ve started using an editorial calendar to try and get blog related stuff done more efficiently. I drink more coffee while I write.

12:00 pm – Mer and Margs sneak back downstairs and scare me. She loves sneaking up on people and frightening  them. I’m not sure why or how she learned to do this but she laughs hysterically every single time.

12:30 pm – We sit down to eat lunch. Nothing fancy, a bunch of reheated leftovers from the fridge. Margs eats broccoli and nothing else.

1:00 pm – I head off to the grocery store for my weekly trip. Mer decides to take Margs on a walk to the park.

1:10 pm – I arrive at the grocery store and do our weekly shopping. I ring up at 98.36$ – right under our 100$ weekly budget.

2:15 pm – Back at home I find Margs playing with her dad in the driveway. I play with her some more while Mer unloads the grocery and offers to put it away. (I hate putting grocery away – the worst chore ever in my books)

2:45 pm– Mer comes back out and asks if we’d like to head out for a drive. We get in the car and head to the waterfront. We point at ducks and birds and Margs laughs hysterically.

3:30 pm – Margs is getting fussy and irritable- she’s probably very tired. Swim days are a little rough on this poor girl. We head back home and she falls asleep in the car again.

3:45 pm – Back at home Mer tries to take her out without waking her – no such luck. She’s awake and super irritated that we woke her up from her nap.

4:00 pm – To try and cheer her up we play hide and seek. Daddy usually hides while Margs and I “find” him. She thinks it’s particularly awesome when her father hides behinds the curtains.

5:00 pm – I start working on dinner. Tonight we’re having chicken quesadillas, baked rice, green beans and a huge green salad.

6:00 pm – Mer’s parents arrive for a surprise visit! We offer them dinner but they decline. I brew some strong coffee and pull some apple cake out of the freezer to have for dessert. They play with Margs and she has the best time ( we hear giggles and shrieks coming from the living room)

6:45 pm – Mer’s parents suggest we head out and take a little break. They kindly offer to put Margsy down for the night. We gladly take them up on their offer.

7:30 pm – We leave the house (Margsy is well on her way to dream land) and head over to a local pub to have a beer and listen to some live music. We call and check in on baby far more times than I’m comfortable admitting 😉

10:00 pm – We head home and straight to bed after thanking Mer’s parents profusely!

QOD

What does a typical Sunday look like in your house?

 

 

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Happy Friday folks! Busy weekend ahead?

Ours is shaping up to be pretty quiet except for Margs’ swimming lessons. Mer has been working evening shift all week and we’re all extra tired from the change of routine. We’ll be spending the weekend eating good food, relaxing, taking walks, watching movies and resting up for the coming week.

If you’re just catching up here are the posts that I published this week.

Highs

Surviving a complete change of schedule. Our little family was thrust into a night shift this week. Every few months, Mer works a 3 pm – 12 am shift for a couple of weeks. Well, it’s the first time he’s on this shift since Margs has developed a little bit of separation anxiety. She’s super excited to have her dad home during the day and we were really worried about how her nighttime routine would go since he usually puts her to sleep for the night. This little girl is a rock star and has been adapting like a champ all week!

A few small home reno projects are being discussed. When we bought this house last year it was pretty much in move in condition. There were a few things we wanted to change but agreed that they weren’t pressing issues and that we’d hold off. Mer and I have been discussing tackling each project and I’m really excited to get started. Our list includes: removing wallpaper from our foyer and painting it a neutral color, repainting the powder room which currently has a black ceiling and landscaping the front of the house to give it a little more curb appeal. I’m looking forward to taking this on!

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Lows

Rainy wetness most of the week. It rained on and off all week which meant Margs and I didn’t get the chance to play outside much. Thankfully her father was home during the day and she thought it was the coolest thing ever. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous and I’m crossing my fingers for nice weather this weekend because all this rain is a real downer.

Baby blood work. It’s done and I guess that’s what counts but oh man the process sucked. I’m crossing my fingers her results are fine and we wont have to venture down that road again anytime soon (routine anemia work up). In a nutshell it took 2 phlebotomists and Mer to hold her down. It was just awful.

QOD

What are your highs and lows for this fine week of March 27th?

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So it happened, earlier than expected but, it happened. At play group last week my 15 month old daughter was intentionally pushed to the ground when she tried to play with an older child who wasn’t in the mood to share that day.

My heart just about broke into a million pieces. I watched in disbelief as this unknown to me child put her hands on my baby and forcefully pushed her to the ground. I stood there dumbfounded and processed what had just happened. I mean, I somehow thought that I’d have at least a few more years before I’d have to deal with this sort of thing – she’s still a baby for crying out loud.

My reaction was probably pretty typical. I ran over, picked up my kid and comforted her because that was what my momma instincts told me to do. (To be fair, although shocked by what had happened Margs wasn’t hurt, crying or otherwise upset) I watched the other child simply continue playing with really no awareness of what had just happened.

 

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I spent the rest of the day pretty upset. I was sad that Margs had been excluded. I was angry that she was put in a situation where she was vulnerable and defenseless. I was infuriated that another child took my daughters agency away and may have potentially showed my daughter that physical displays of aggression are okay when things don’t go your way.

Then I realized my kid wasn’t even upset by it and I realized that all I want for this little girl is for her to be comfortable in her own skin, set boundaries and not let this sort of stuff upset her the way it upsets me.

This was about me and not herIt’s 100% about my insecurities about dealing with these types of situations and my own feelings of inadequacy when it comes to parenting.

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Mer and I had a long long long discussion that night about how we’re going to deal with these types of situations. Sure, she’s small right now but soon enough (sooner than we’re probably comfortable with) our little girl will come home upset because of something similar – what then? Do we jump in and help her “deal” with the issue, do we leave her to her own devices to figure it our for herself? What is the right approach? What method will help her foster independence, boundaries and self love?

As we discussed it our attitude changed from helping her deal (mediating the issue) to taking a very very passive and supportive role. Although Margs will have to proverbially trip and fall a few hundred times before she figures it out – neither of us truly feels like it’s our place to get involved in issues between children (we’re looking ahead here to when she’s old enough to understand these types of situations for herself). It is not my job to find out why, it’s also not my job to scold someone else’s child for behaviors I perceive as inappropriate, it’s not my job to resolve these types of issues – it’s between the children.  My job is to make sure my kid is equipped with communication skills, empathy and the confidence to deal with these situations herself. Sure, they may not always go her way – but my job is to make sure she’s as equipped as possible to deal with whatever is handed to her and not to solve it for her.

But bullying said Mer. What are we gonna do if she gets bullied? Just stay out of it?

Of course not I responded! If her safety whether that be emotional or physical is threatened to a degree that she is unable to manage with her communication skills then clearly we’d get involved – my goal is to raise her to be a strong, confident little girl who will come to me to discuss what is going on. I’d like to think that I’m raising her to be aware of her needs, to acknowledge what makes her uncomfortable and to admit when she needs help.

In retrospect, I’m not sure if I handled the situation correctly. At only 15 months old my instinct was to run to her and comfort her. Yet, I question if she really needed to be comforted or if my instincts were somehow to make me feel better about the situation. Parenting is hard. Decisions even harder – we often have to react in the moment and are then left to question if we made the right decision.

QOD

How do you handle these types of situations?

 

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